911 Call in the Future

 

9-11 Operator, “Thank you for calling your local emergency services, how may I assist you?”

Caller, “Someone is breaking into my house, I need help.”

9-11 Operator, “Thank you, if you don’t mind I have a few questions.  Are you black, Hispanic, Asian, white Hispanic, black Hispanic, white Asian, Native American, or other?  Are you a Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer, or other?  Are you an Atheist, Agnostic, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian Scientist, or other?”

Caller, “I don’t think you understand…someone is breaking into my house…Oh, I think they just broke the door down…”

9-11 Operator, “Sir or madam, not being judgemental, however, we strive to match you to the proper responder based on your demographic…so I will continue.  Do you identify as a man, woman, small dog, large dog, cat, kitten, puppy, or other?  Do you own any weapons to include; Guns, Knives, Machetes, Clubs, Rocks, Meat Mallets, Hammers, Pointed Sticks, or other?  Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder, been abused or an abuser, are you vegan?  Do you drink?  If you drink how many drinks per week?  Are you drunk now?  Do you use controlled drugs?  Do you use illegal drugs?  Are you a republican, democrat, or other?”

9-11 Operator, “Hello…are you still there?”

Caller, “Uh, Hello.”

9-11 Operator, “You don’t sound like the original caller. ”

Caller, “Yeah, I killed her.”

9-11 Operator, “Oh I see.  Thank you, if you don’t mind I would like to ask a few questions……”

dispatch

 

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